So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
