im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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