Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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