Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
