So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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