It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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