i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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