Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
