I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
