im having a threesome with these popsicles
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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