in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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