Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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