On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
