I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
