Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
