Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
