Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
