He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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