being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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