I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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