Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
