I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
