...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
