You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
