So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
