I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
