I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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