i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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