they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
