just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
