No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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