if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
