I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
