So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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