i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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