I cockslap morals
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
