Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
