Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
