so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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