Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
