shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
