You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
