I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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