I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
