so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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