So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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