puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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