Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
