Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
