I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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