Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think I just sharted jello shots
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
