"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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