Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
