But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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